Be Your Own Barrister
People pleasing is so passé
The other day, my deepest fear happened while snowboarding at the mountain in my town.
No, I didn’t get lost in the woods and worry about having to crawl into a bear carcass a la’ the short story “To Build a Fire.”
No, the ski lift didn’t malfunction, plummeting me to my terrifying death.
No, I didn’t take a ski pole to the face, resulting in disfigurement and—-ok, I’m realizing I have a lot more fears about winter sports than I thought.
What happened is that I was minding my business, heading down the mountain on my snowboard, when someone plowed straight into me from behind. A nice-ish Canadian lady apparently decided she wanted to complete a sneak-attack American Gladiator-style maneuver on me, sending my entire body (but most noticeably, my fragile ribs, slamming into a patch of hard ice).
And as fiery as I can be, I didn’t advocate for myself like I, now, feel I should have.
I so quickly wanted to show I was fine, to reassure the woman and her understandably horrified partner that ::thumbs up!:: I’m sure once I get my breath back and can feel my arms again, I’ll be a-ok!
I was so intent on making sure she didn’t feel bad about running into me that I didn’t take the time to advocate for myself.
Isn’t being a human weird? We’re walking around with all these wants and needs, and sometimes those wants and need encourage us to stick up for ourselves, and sometimes those wants and needs somehow morph into people-pleasing, maybe brushing aside even bodily harm.
And, yes, it’s great to pick yourself and brush yourself off after a bummer of a situation.
(I, personally, after this horrible WWE-Wrestling assault on my body, finished the run down the mountain and then immediately chair-lifted to the lodge where I had a buffet lunch and did a crossword puzzle).
But it’s also so important to give yourself time to process, to make sure you’re alright, to not just immediately dissociate from hurt (both physical and mental) in order to be “easy,” or “strong,” or “chill.”
So here’s the sign for you to stand up for yourself if something’s hurt you. Don’t hold on to bitterness, but be a better barrister for yourself: think of what an external advocate would do for you, and then do that.
You’ve got this!
Annie B.
PS Speaking of advocating for yourself—today, Friday May 3rd is Bandcamp Friday and ALL SALES go straight to the artist. Check out my music, woulda? You can stream it for free any purchases you make today will go directly to me, which is super cool.
THREE GOOD THINGS
I am officially turning into the rich witch auntie of my dreams by honing my foraging skills. Did you know that this “weed” is a super beneficial medicinal plant? Nature is the coolest!
Matthew is seeing and and Paul is blind and they are the sweetest couple and I just love watching them. Plus, accessibility education!
I relate to this so hard (as usual with most of what you write). I’ve been learning to do a better job of self-regulating but it’s tough to undo these defense mechanisms that have been forged from within the depths of my softy of a heart (one that is scared to death that I may not be worth being loved). And I’m finding the more I learn to love myself the less I fall mindlessly and automatically into people pleasing and trying to minimize how much space (physical , emotional, metaphysical) I’m taking up. Big time work in progress. Always thought I’d have it all figured out by now. I don’t. And oh my Annie I do miss you so terribly. Perhaps we could plan a way to be at the same geographical locale at the same time this summer or fall? I’m for realz serioso