Off-Road Your Soul

Practicing pain in an imperfect place

I saw a meme recently that 1000% encapsulates how I feel about the human struggle in a messy world.

I’ll only forgive the lack of possessive S on “God’s plan” because it shows that Evangelicals actually CAN be flexible with pronouns

The funny thing is that someone created the original bike ride comic as an info-graphic about the GOODNESS of a Supreme Being’s Plan.

Someone giggled while making this illustration, believing it was a point of view about existential struggle that would somehow help people put God in the “pros” list of life, instead of the “cons,” which, to be honest, reads as major Stockholm syndrome to me.

Truly, I want to admire people who can trust so joyfully in the messy up and down of being alive!

But it’s hard for me to celebrate when life goes rudely off course, as if it’s somehow a “better” thing to plummet your bike head-first into a cavern of rocks instead of cruising peacefully on a mild incline.

And yet. AND YET.

There’s a deep part of me that knows we’re all here to grow, and learn, and evolve, and how can that happen without some fucks ups, messes, and difficulties?

The older I get, the more I realize that equanimity and wisdom are not inherent attributes gifted to the lucky few. They’re practices, ways of being that develop over time, intention, effort, and—yes—a little bit of unwanted circumstance.

So when I get all riled up about riding my bike into a flooded cavern, I think of this Rumi poem:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

And here’s a song I wrote about it called “Make my Heart Your Home” that’s gonna be on my next album! (Dropping…soonish?)

Whether your cruising on a gentle incline or finding yourself shattered at the bottom of a ravine, I’m sending you lots of love.

xo,

Annie B.

THREE GOOD THINGS

1. Do you need SPF recs? Reminders that beauty standards are fucked but you can still wanna protect your skin? I’ve been going down the sunscreen rabbit hole and Charlotte Palermino is my new skin fairy godmother. She’s funny, smart, helpful, and I love that she’s like YES AGING IS NORMAL AND A GIFT.

2. I have been making my own vegan yogurt! I am basically a homesteader!

3. I recently started watching reality TV competition shows for fun and, honestly, there is nothing that can help you remember that creativity is a messy, fickle mistress than Tim Gunn telling a shell-shocked designer their outfit is “like the antithesis of joy.” ::laugh cry emoji:: If you want to learn how to let criticism roll off of you like water of a ducks’ back, I highly recommend Project Runway re-runs on Hulu.