This morning I cried going through 2 months worth of bills and junk mail while an old thrift-store copy of “Bridge Over Troubled Water” played on my record player.
Halfway through, it jammed to perma-skip.
PAUL SIMON: “Like a bridge over troubled water…water…water…water…water…water…water…water…”
Honest to God, I don’t know what to tell you and I don’t know what to write.
Shit sucks right now and I’m scared for trans kids and I’m heartbroken for the humans of Ukraine facing an unnecessary war and at the same time, I’m just trying to deal with my own life that feels uncertain and un-bridged over water water water water water water water water in its own right.
I don’t know about you, but it’s times like this where I, as a planet-denizen, really don’t feel ok about not feeling ok—because other people have it worse. Because I’m one of the lucky ones.
Even though I know that everyone’s entitled to low times and Sads Over Troubled Sads, I’m not really good about feeling bad. I think that’s why I talk about it a lot. They say you write the words you need to read, and I always feel like I should just be doing BETTER.
I should be coping better.
I should be trying harder.
I should be waking up earlier.
I should be more buoyant.
I should be more hopeful.
I should be prettier.
I should wash my hair more.
To be fair, I do think I’m striving to be a better person every day. I just think, somewhere along the way, the idea of doing better became less about self-care and more about self-shame.
So lately I’ve just been making small mental daily lists of ways I was a good human, to myself and others. I find the practice restful and buoying–as if I’m meditatively collecting all the tiny orbs of effort I put out without even recognizing them the first time, and allowing them to absorb back into my soul-sphere of life energy.
I’m also watching lots of bloopers/outtakes from funny movies. There’s something about funny people laughing that does good things for me.
Even if you’ve been feeling like your bridge is over troubled water (water…water…water…water…water…water…), take some time to remind yourself of all the ways you are doing better than you realized.
And if you have some other epic ways that you’re helping yourself do better (and feel better!) these days, I’d love to hear them!
THREE GOOD THINGS
One of the reasons I dig Instagram is all the recipes I find there (and save and then never make). BUT HERE’S ONE I DID MAKE!! Disclaimer: I added many chocolate chips to this “healthy” chocolate gluten-free microwave mug cake from @fitfoodieselma. If you don’t have Instagram and want the recipe, send me a holler!
With the rain outside, I’ve been practicing skating in my kitchen (and only occasionally eating shit). This video of Miss Mable gives me hope.
Lastly, here is a reminder that your money can do really, really good things about scary stuff in the world, and it’s much more needed and vital than doomscrolling.
Free yourself from consuming the depressing media firehose, educate yourself about local politics you can take part in, and give give give give your monies—even if only in small amounts. Together Rising is my spot of choice. They’re super transparent about what they do with funding, and instead of barging into areas of advocacy and bumbling around, they tangibly support established organizations that are, and have been, on the ground doing the work.