Jeans are NOT the Favorite

Seeking comfort in an un-comfy world

When I was a kid I would put on my socks and shoes.

And take them off.

And put them on.

And take them off.

And cry.

And try to put them back on again.

I just couldn’t get them to feel RIGHT, I said. They TICKLED, I said. Socks were NOT the FAVORITE, I said.

@hisbeautifulsurrender#dramaqueen #socks #sockswithsandals #walking #kidsoftiktok #kidstiktok #kidsbelike

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I also COULT NOT with: loud places, sad books, violent TV, lacy or itchy fabrics, turtlenecks, repetitive noises like a classmate tapping their pencil, and probably about a million other things that I’m forgetting at this moment but I’m sure my extremely patient mom could tell you about.

My mom, wondering if a new outfit would send me into a mental breakdown spiral

It didn’t take long for my parents and teachers to figure out that there was something different going on in my body and brain, and eventually I was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Sensitivity— a thing that’s now called being a Highly Sensitive Person, and means that I have a low tolerance for sensory stimuli and can become unregulated VERY quickly, much more quickly than a “normal” person (ew, wtf is normal, anyway?).

Like this VeryWell article states:

A highly sensitive person (HSP) is a neurodivergent individual who is thought to have an increased or deeper central nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli.

Basically me when my friend Kara and I went to an Olive Garden during the dinner hour filled with Little Leaguers and loud post-work drinkers and the hostess was taking us to the table and I was like OH NO I CANNOT DO THIS

In adulthood, sensory stability means trying to avoid all the things that make me feel overwhelmed.

• I don’t go to a lot of loud, crowded spots (aside from 4 years of touring in a rock band which, yes, I can appreciate the irony).

• I spend a lot of time alone, so I can basically have the equivalent of sensory-deprivation hours and “empty” my stimuli bucket that gets filled up so quickly.

• I surround myself in silence (I could go on a road trip with 4 hours of just my thoughts and feel oh-so-very-happy).

And, post-pandemic, I’ve abandoned most semblance of “regular” clothes, abandoning any sort of starchy or scratchy or tight items like jeans and committing to a “pajamas as outside wear” wardrobe that I’d like to think looks effortlessly chic but probably just makes me look like a hungover college student.

But enough about me. I’m bring up this tale to make one point:

It’s normal to feel uncomfortable in and un-comfy world.

I think a lot of people have been noticing themselves feeling more fatigued lately, getting more upset, being overwhelmed at stuff they just used to be “whelmed” by, struggling with every day stuff, and experiencing a deep sense of shame around it.

Maybe you know what I mean.

• Maybe you’re still able to wear hard pants but find yourself with zero motivation for the hobbies you used to love.

• Maybe you show up to work but afterwards you’re barely capable of making dinner.

• Maybe you want to go out and see friends on the weekend but find yourself struggling to follow through with plans.

All of this makes sense.

The truth is: We’ve been through (and continue to experience) a global pandemic, mass inflation, widespread industry layoffs, increased isolation, attacks on gender affirming care, walk-backs on reproductive rights, a growing divide between political parties, the rise in popularity of outright racist and homophobic groups, global warming, civil unrest, billionaires more interested in going to the moon instead of making sure all humans have food and water, and on…and on…and on…

It’s a lot. And it’s totally understandable if you find yourself not operating at 100% capacity.

So give yourself grace. Let yourself rest. Be open to new ways to exist in this spiraling capitalistic hellscape. Give yourself a mind-hug. Ok? Sometimes, just remembering that what you’re feeling makes sense can make all the difference.

You’re doing great,

Annie B.

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THREE GOOD THINGS

1. I’ve been listening to these sleep meditations in the morning while I water my garden, and they really help my nervous system decompress. Is it weird to listen to sleep meditations in the morning? Maybe. Does it help me go about my day with an increased sense of peace. HELL YES IT DOES.

2. If you’re already zen-ed out to the max and in need of more activation energy, please bop along to these Irish kids rapping.

3. I know shit can be depressing and we have to find small joys wherever we can, so here’s enjoy a baby experiencing bubbles for the first time.