Happy Deathday to You
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I listened to a podcast years ago that said people who think about their deaths live happier lives.
You’d think contemplating your tenuous mortality would sorta put a kibosh on the whole “enjoyment of living” thing, but I think it makes sense.
Like knowing a vacation is going to end and thus soaking in every second of pleasure, having a good sense of your own eventual demise can help you squeeze more out of the time you have left.
Basically: if you don’t think about your death, you might miss precious opportunities to live your fullest life.
And, y’all, we have less time than we really think.
Sahil Bloom, the author of 5 Types of Wealth, uses graphs to showcase how much time you’ll ACTUALLY get to spend with people—friends, family, kids—in your lifetime.
(PS: If this “alone time” graph fills you with a sense of deep dread, HOLLA AT YA GURL AND LET’S HANG OUT.)
Similarly, Tim Urban created a great visual exploration on the concept of finite time on his website “Wait But Why,” where he tracked how many times he’ll get to do his favorite things in the years he (most likely) has remaining—how many dumplings eaten, how many super bowls, how many vacations, etc…
Here are his takeaways, in his own words:
1) Living in the same place as the people you love matters. I probably have 10X the time left with the people who live in my city as I do with the people who live somewhere else.
2) Priorities matter. Your remaining face time with any person depends largely on where that person falls on your list of life priorities. Make sure this list is set by you—not by unconscious inertia.
3) Quality time matters. If you’re in your last 10% of time with someone you love, keep that fact in the front of your mind when you’re with them and treat that time as what it actually is: precious.
Along with shaping our priorities about WHO we want to spend our time with, a sense of mortality can help us figure out WHAT we want to do with our time and HOW we’re going to go about doing it.
A strong sense of our limitations—both daily and corporally on this mortal coil—helps us to keep showing up sustainably.
When I know I can only do so much, I don’t try to take on everything.
When I don’t try to take on everything, I’m not fatigued or frozen in fear or disempowered by indecision.
When I’m not fatigued or frozen in fear or disempowered by indecision, I can be present and effective to the ways I can make a small difference in this world.
And, also, when I know I’m gonna die, I take a trip to Disney World, even though I feel devastated by the idea that there are billionaires and bigots currently very actively destroying our democracy.
The funny thing about this trip is that I could have pushed it off until September.
There might have been fewer crowds, less noise, cheaper tickets. I thought about it for a second, imagined a global pandemic happening before I’d be able to get there, saw myself staying inside my house for 18 months eating chips, and immediately booked my flight.
A sense of a “sometime-in-the-future-but-time-unknown” ending to our life/the world as we know it adds a bit of urgency to our dreams and plans.
What if we only have 5 more times to see our parents? 10 more times to have brunch with our friends? 8 more times to take a vacation to new locale?
Looking at our time in this stark way, it might help us make the best decisions for our days.
So let’s all think about our deathdays, ok? If we wrestle with the precariousness of our mortality, I’m betting it’ll help us all show up to our lives even more.
INTROSPECTION TIME
What is something you’ve been dying to do (hah), but putting off until “later”?
What would it look like to make that happen in the next year?
Put your response in the comments!
Love,
Annie B.
THREE GOOD THINGS
Think happy death thoughts can’t be true? Here’s an article that proves otherwise. Science!
You know how I’ve been using my precious time? Watching lip syncs from 17 seasons of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, of course. This is one for the ages. The joy! The energy! The look on the iconic Natalie Cole’s face while someone performs her song! Ughhhhhhhhhhh it’s so good.
3. Need to vent about something without hurting anyone’s feelings? Need to yell at the gods about current events? Here’s a website where you can scream into the void without worrying your neighbors.
i mean, obviously i love everything about this. :::thoughts about mortality are a near constant stream in this underworld dweller’s world. also film rec: my old ass. 🤍
As a person of a certain age, I can not avoid facing the ultimate deadline (pun intended). It does impart a certain urgency to my endeavors, and, I have to say, contributes to my anxiety level, not so much about my demise but about all that is incomplete and waiting to be done. Thus, it makes my life more chaotic. This is not the usual picture we have of the elderly sitting in their retirement home rocking chairs, inertly awaiting the end. It is reported that Medieval monks had this skull on their desks, with the inscription "Memento mori" nearby. Loosely translated as "Remember you will die." I think that their motivation was different from "so make hay while the sun shines." Even so. I hope I was not too harsh in my suggestion for your first chapter. I did not mean to be. I still love your writing.